Locked Myself Out Of Everything

Locked Myself Out Of Everything
Posted on: July 26th, 2023

I'm an Idiot

So there I was, sucking on some titties... Nope. Still the wrong story. Sorry.

Let me back up a few weeks. My girlfriend and I moved into a new apartment a few months ago. Our new place has two locks on the front door. The bottom one can be unlocked from the outside. The top one is keyless, and you cannot. Which is great if you want to keep out maintenance guys with master keys. But not great if your girlfriend has a habit of locking both while you are away.

I work nights and often get home in the early am hours. Routinely, my sleep schedule goes to hell on my days off. So it's not a stretch to go to work without sleep on my first day of the week. Well, this happened to me a few months ago, and when I finally got off of work, sleepy, soaked from sweat, and ready to pass out at 4 a.m. The front door was locked. I called my girlfriend for about 20 minutes to no avail. I finally went and got something to eat to try to stay awake. After about an hour and a half, she finally woke up. That was a bad day for me.

Once Again

Two days ago, it happened again. I wasn't as tired this time, so it wasn't so bad, but something had to give. So I duct-taped the top lock so that it would take some effort to lock it. No more locking it without thinking about it. Problem solved. Uh sure...


We just got a few new Wienerschnitzel restaurants in the area, so yesterday, I decided it was time to see what the fuss was about. I had to Google how to spell that.

When I got to my car, I decided, nah, I'll take my truck instead. It hasn't been driven in a while. So I took off to get my chili cheese dogs. I actually got a chili cheese dog and a chili cheeseburger. The restaurant was only a couple miles from home, so I took the food home. 

Excited as I got home, I threw all my crap in my pockets, grabbed my food, locked the doors, and hopped out of my truck. I only forgot one thing; my keys in the ignition. And my older truck will indeed stay locked once the doors are shut.

I'm a pessimist and always have been. Give me a good idea, and I'll figure out everything wrong with it. The good thing about being a pessimist is that when things do go wrong, you don't freak out. So I ate my Wienerschnitzel on the hood of my truck, which was pretty damn amazing; I was on the phone with locksmiths. That key in my ignition is my only truck key.

I only managed to get two locksmiths on the phone as it was around 8 pm, and most places were closing. One said he couldn't make it and the other said it would be two hours and $80. I'm a cheap skate as well, so I said screw that. My girlfriend and I work at the same place, just different shifts. She was at work and had a break coming up at 9 pm. 

Start Walking

So I started walking. I walked up to the front door of work at 8:55, drenched in sweat. I was so sweaty that she thought I had been at work.

I got her house key and made my way home. I took a shower and passed out. It was around 7 miles round trip; I was tired.

This morning I went to Lowe's and bought a level air inflator. It's a small heavy-duty airbag that you can use to level windows and doors. They pump up like a blood pressure checker. I used it to pry my door open enough to get a clothes hanger in and unlock the door. It took me two minutes of tinkering to get the door unlocked.

The moral of the story is don't make fun of your girlfriend if she locks you out twice because then you'll lock yourself out and look like an idiot. I had decided I was too sore to go for a bike ride yesterday, but karma decided to give me some exercise anyway. So it all worked out. I got a laugh out of it, at least.


<< PreviousNext >>

Related Posts